


Crescenday Cocktail

by plushbun



Category: Moon: Remix RPG Adventure
Genre: Cuddling, Drunkenness, Implied/Referenced Underage Relationship(s), M/M, Multi, Multiple Partners, Polyamory, Singing, Underage Drinking, divorce mention, epic noge adventure inside, music references, triple gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27078955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plushbun/pseuds/plushbun
Summary: Bilby sneaks Noge out one day to go drinking with him, despite the fact he's a wooden toy. Things go south once Noge decides to order drinks for Bilby, however...
Relationships: Bilby/Fred (Moon: Remix RPG Adventure), Bilby/Noge (Moon: Remix RPG Adventure)
Kudos: 3





	Crescenday Cocktail

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again, back with some fresh bullshit.
> 
> I recently beat moon and wow. I have no words. This game is fuckin beautiful. I cannot begin to tell you how many times this game made me feel emotional.
> 
> I highly recommend it. Go buy it. It's on the Switch eshop. Please. I'm serious. It isn't even that expensive. It's an amazing investment.
> 
> That aside, this game also managed to conjure up some awful pairings for me because I cannot ship normal things for the life of me.
> 
> I'll be honest. At first I shipped Bilby/Noge pretty hard. Their whole arc was godlike. I was gunning for them pretty hard.
> 
> Annnnd then I got introduced to Fred during my playthrough. Goddammit Fred. Why are you so good.  
> Bilby could honestly go with any of them and it would work.
> 
> My brain was pretty torn between the two, but then my galaxy brain made a compromise in the form of "triple gays."
> 
> Bilby/Noge/Fred. You'd think, "Oh! Gay dads with their adopted son." But my bullshit has made it into "Gay guards and their shared wooden boywife. Yahoo!"
> 
> So! I hope you see my bullshit shine through in this fic. I hope to write much more. Admittedly I'm still quite focused on and lean more towards Bilby/Noge, so if you see a lot of that from now on I'm sorry. Just know Fred is cheering for them and supporting his guard bf in the background. I plan to hopefully involve him more as well if that ends up being a thing.
> 
> That being said, thanks for reading the notes. Enjoy.

_Got caught in love… and stepped in sinking sand…_

_You had to go, and ruin all our plans…_ _𝅘𝅥𝅮_

A gentle melody swept the air as Fred and Bilby sat in Fred’s bed, the two quietly listening to music from Fred’s record player in the early evening of a Crescenday. 

Bilby was out of his armor, and Fred had his hand deep in Bilby’s hair, softly caressing each jet black strand as he slowly bobbed his head to the music. For once, Fred was out of his armor as well, in a casual set of clothes that consisted of a tight, grey sweatshirt and loose fitting magenta pajama pants. His helmet and the rest of his armor were set off to the side of the room, peacefully resting on top of his vanity. The armor reflected in the large mirror that was in front of it, blissfully sparkling in the bright lights of his room. 

...As of late, Fred liked to hang out with Bilby, and after Fred had confessed he had feelings for him, the two grew close over time to the point where he became more lax, causing him to get out of his armor more often and relax in whatever he wanted while he listened to music. Previously, the two had a hostile relationship, as Bilby’s constant nagging and Fred’s inability to wake up on time created a distinct distance between the pair that caused them to be polar opposites to each other. However, this opposition quickly waned once Bilby decided to get to know Fred better, building up trust with him over time to the point that the two were now close friends rather than just simply tolerating each other's presence. 

“Love me like there’s no tomorrow…~” Fred hummed, smiling as he sang while he brushed through Bilby’s hair with his pale fingers. 

Bilby smiled, leaning into Fred’s shoulder as he let him comb through his hair even more as the song went on. It was comforting. 

Bilby would usually listen to Fred’s music from his room, but… over time he learned it was way better being in the same room as him to listen, as sometimes Fred would sing along and even cuddle Bilby in the process. The man loved him, and loved even more sharing his music with him. He was dedicated to music unlike anyone else. 

_But today just love me like there’s no tomorrow…_

_..._

The song faded out after a while, in turn causing Bilby to rise from Fred’s bed and lift the needle from the record it was playing on. 

“Hmm?” Fred whined, sad at the fact Bilby left his embrace, and glum since he had stopped the record. 

“Sorry man. I gotta head out to Wanda’s. You know I do this on Crescendays.” Bilby replied, gesturing towards the door. 

“I promised the kid I’d take him today, too.” 

“Wha-?” Fred exclaimed. “Y-you mean Noge?” He was flabbergasted. 

“Who else would the kid be?!” Bilby barked back. “You _KNOW_ who my kid is, Fred!”

Fred sighed.

“Well, I know that. I meant… I meant, why are you taking him _there_? Of all places?”

Bilby went back to Fred’s bed to sit next to Fred once more, slowly sitting himself down on his sheets.

“Wellll, the kid asked me one day where I go on these nights…” Bilby explained. 

“I couldn’t lie to em’. You know I can’t, Fred…” He looked down at his feet.

“I see.” Fred replied, looking at Bilby dejectedly. 

“He asked me if he could go, and well, I saw no harm in it.” Bilby finally looked up at Fred, smiling weakly. 

“No harm?!” Fred gave Bilby a harsh stare. 

“It’s a bar..! Kids shouldn’t be in a bar..!!” He yelled a bit, a bit furious at Bilby’s decision. 

“Aaah, the kid ain’t even a kid, lets be real.” Bilby said, laughing a bit after.

“His dad came from some toybox, didn’t he? They’re toys. He’s a toy.” 

Fred looked at Bilby once more, thinking a bit but eventually shrugging.

“Weeelll… I guess you’re right. But really now, Bilby… the bar?” Fred was still concerned. 

“I’ll make sure nothing bad happens.” Bilby told Fred, placing a hand on Fred’s right shoulder.

“Y’know how much I love Noge anyways.” He smiled again.

“Oh I _KNOW_ how much you _LOVE_ him,” Fred taunted, with a devious smile coming across his face. 

“...Don’t get it twisted.” Bilby snapped back, frowning at him.

“But it IS twisted..!!” Fred replied, erupting into laughter shortly after. 

“ _Youuuu already have your own sonnnn!~_ ” Fred mockingly sang, barely keeping a stable voice after his laughing fit. 

Bilby took his hand off of Fred’s shoulder and sighed heavily. 

“Fred, man. Don’t remind me about this before I go out with the kid..!” Bilby yapped. 

“Haha.~ I’m just playing…” Fred replied, wiping a tear from his eye from laughter.

“Yeah, yeah…” Bilby grunted.

Fred leaned over and patted his back. 

“Even though I joke, just know I’m with you in this madness.” Fred assured him, grinning.

“I hope so..!” Bilby replied, along with finally getting up from Fred’s bed to head out of the room.

Watching Bilby leave, Fred finally laid down in his own bed, making himself comfortable under his covers. 

“I’ll probably be asleep when you come back..!~” Fred hummed, making sure Bilby knew before he got too drunk to remember.

“I’ll make sure to come in quietly!!” Bilby shouted back, as he shut the door to their rooms. 

Marching through the castle halls, Bilby left his room and went directly to Noge’s room, conveniently located across from their own. 

He cautiously knocked on Noge’s door. It was always a game trying to talk to Noge at night, as sometimes the Minister would still be awake and question what business he had with the boy late at such a late hour.

Luckily, however, it seemed the Minister had gotten to his quarters early for once, as even though Bilby’s knock radiated through the halls, no one came out to question him. 

The door creaked open as a small wooden hand had opened it, with Noge peeking out to see who had striked.

“Mister Bilby..!” Noge exclaimed, happy to see his favorite guard.

“Hush, kid. Let me get in here first.” Bilby shoved his way into Noge’s room, quietly shutting his door behind him.

Once he was inside, Bilby got on one knee to be at eye level with Noge. 

“I told ya I’d come get ya for the bar,” Bilby spoke, reaching over to pat Noge’s head. 

“The bar!!” Noge beamed. 

Bilby pet his head softly, twirling the tip of Noge’s cap in his fingers.

“Yeah. But… you just gotta be more quiet, Noge…! Remember, I said the Minister doesn’t like me talking to ya late at night.” Bilby lifted his hand off of Noge’s head, and began to give Noge a stern look. 

“Sorry Mister Bilby! I just get too excited..!” Noge explained, kicking the air with one of his wooden feet.

“Yeah, well me too…” Bilby rose from his knee, still looking down at Noge. He placed his hands on his hips. 

“Just be quiet, okay? Especially once we leave. Just make sure you aren’t seen.”

“Got it!!” Noge replied, rocking back and forth. 

Reaching down quickly, Bilby took Noge’s hand, leading the wooden child out of his room and out into the castle hallway. Quietly shutting the door on the way out, the two briskly walked down the right corridor from their rooms, with Noge trailing behind Bilby as he guided him outside the castle safely. 

Once the duo reached the castle courtyard, Bilby released Noge’s hand and sighed with relief. 

“Oh thank God, kid. We made it. I didn’t think I’d be able to sneak you out.” Bilby said, wiping a small bit of sweat off his forehead. 

“Really? Whoa~.” Noge said, looking up at Bilby, and oblivious as to why that would even be a problem in the first place. 

“Yep… Now let's get to the bar, eh? I can’t have Wanda waitin’ too long. She’ll know somethin’s up.” Bilby replied, taking Noge’s hand once again.

“Alright!” Noge beamed, happy to be taken out of his room to adventure. 

The two swiftly travelled into town, with Noge holding onto Bilby’s hand while he looked around the tranquil settlement. 

“I’ve never been into town so late..! Noge declared. 

“It’s somethin’.” Bilby replied, pulling Noge along.

Eventually, the pair came across the town fountain, with the gears of the fountain whirring and buzzing as they turned. The rainbow colors the fountain gave off reflected across the area, its various hues leaving beautiful patterns everywhere it glistened. A small patch of violet reflected on one of Noge’s feet, causing him to look down.

“Woah…” Noge said, stopping and looking down to observe the colors. 

Bilby stopped walking for a second, looking down along with Noge to see what had caused him to stop walking so suddenly.

“Oh! Yeah, that.” Bilby remarked, lowering one of his hands down into the violet light.

“See? It reflects on me too. Pretty, ain’t it,” Bilby smiled at Noge as he moved his hand around in the lavender light, demonstrating how the color touched each and every part of his hand no matter how he moved it. 

“That's electromagnetic radiation for ya!” Noge quipped. 

“...What?” Bilby looked at him confused for a second, until he laughed. 

“Ah, y’know… I forget you’re in school sometimes. You know way more than me, you’re already sounding off on that jargon. I bet you know everything.” He waved a hand at Noge.

Noge giggled.

“I don’t know _everything_ , Mister Bilby..!” He replied.

“...Yet.” Bilby said back, winking.

Taking his hand again, Bilby led Noge through town once more until they arrived at Bar Wanda. 

Stopping in front of the entrance, Bilby let go of Noge’s hand, getting on his knee once more to talk to Noge at eye level. 

“When we get in there, stay next to me, alright? I don’t know if that so-called “Baker” is in today, I doubt it, but…” Bilby looked over into the bar entrance, eyeing it intently to see if he could spot anyone inside before they went in. 

“Hm? What’s wrong with that guy…?" Noge asked.

“Uh, nothing. We just got into a fight, that’s all. If he decides to start somethin’ again I don’t want you there to see it.” Bilby replied, finally looking back at Noge.

“Woah. Okay!” Noge said, nodding his head.

Bilby began to make his way inside the bar, this time gesturing towards Noge to follow him instead of taking his hand again.

Once inside, Bilby took a seat at a barstool nearest the door, with Noge wandering behind in awe of the atmosphere of the bar. 

“Glad to see you again.” Wanda commented upon seeing Bilby come through the door.

“What would you- Oh?” Her usual spiel was interrupted once she realized Noge was there with him.

“Noge…? Aren’t you the kid of-”

“The kid of the guy from the King’s toybox, yeah. Same kid.” Bilby interrupted, bending down to hoist Noge up to a seat at the barstool next to him. Getting a firm grip on the boy, he lifted him up and onto the barstool, gently placing him down so that his cape wouldn’t get stuck underneath him.

“Thank you Mister Bilby!” Noge said, eagerly swinging his feet around as soon as he was situated on the stool. 

Wanda stared in bewilderment, desperately trying to connect the dots in her head that would warrant Noge being in her own bar, with Bilby nonetheless. It was an absolutely whimsical sight to behold. Why on Earth would one of the castle guards be with someone else’s son at the middle of the night in a _bar_?

“Bloody Wanda as usual,” Bilby ordered, blatantly ignoring Wanda’s reaction. 

“And uh. I’ll see what the kid wants.”

Wanda kept staring, and eventually snapped out of her shocked trance to begin mixing his drink as she debated in her mind what to say next… or whether to say anything at all.

Noge bounced around happily on his stool, content that he was with Bilby in the bar and honored that he even took him here. However, he still wondered _why_ Bilby came here in the first place. There had to be a reason, right?

“Mister Bilby..? Why do you come over here? To the… to the bar.” Noge looked over at Bilby, tilting his head in curiosity. 

“You’ll see.” Bilby replied, his eyes fixed on watching Wanda mix his drink together.

Furiously mixing his drink, Wanda sped up the process once she realized Bilby was eyeballing her. 

Finishing up his drink at lightning speed, she slid the completed drink over his way, with Bilby catching it perfectly in his right hand. Looking at the drink, he grinned. 

“Oh!!” Noge yelled. “I get it! I get it now!!”

Bilby took a sip out of his drink and turned to face Noge afterward.

“You… really don’t, but sure. Okay.” Bilby laughed. He lifted his glass to take another drink, but…

“No no, I do! You just come here to get drunk!”

As soon as Noge said this, Bilby firmly set down his glass.

“That’s about half of it, Noge.” He stifled a laugh and tried to take a drink again, but  
Noge continued to interrupt him.

“...Half? Why half? What’s the other half, Mister Bilby?” Noge wouldn’t stop.

“I’d rather not talk about the other _half_ …” Bilby said, slowly going back to his drink again.

Grumbling, he whispered to himself before he took another sip, saying,

“I don’t even _have an other half anymore…_ ” 

Confused, Noge slumped in his stool. 

_It just didn’t make sense for Bilby to constantly come over to drink without a reason… what was that other half..?_

Before Noge could prod him again about the matter, Bilby quickly managed to change the subject to what drink Noge wanted.

“Say, you want anything? I’ll getcha somethin’.” Bilby asked, downing his first glass in the process. 

“Uhh. What is there to drink?” Noge asked, searching for a menu of some kind at the counter.

Before he could say anything else, Wanda quickly approached Noge at the counter, pointing at a pitcher of orange juice she had in the back.

“H-how about some orange juice?” She said, hoping Noge would choose it. Her night was already a spectacle, and she didn’t want to add onto it by having to navigate giving a wooden child an alcoholic beverage. 

“That works!” Noge replied, giggling.

In reality, it didn’t matter anyway what you gave Noge, as the child couldn’t really eat or drink _anything_ since he was a toy.

He was... really just getting a drink to fit in.

Wanda pretended to mix his drink as the boy watched her, mesmerized by how she shook the canisters and how she managed not to drop them. She eventually gave the drink to him, unfortunately not sliding it over like she did with Bilby’s drink as she wasn’t sure his wooden hands could catch it or not. 

“Thank you!!” Noge said, grabbing the drink and immediately handing it to Bilby. 

“Huh?” Confused, Bilby gave Noge a weird look in response. 

“I’m a toy,” Noge explained. “I… can’t really drink anything. It’ll just go right through me!”

“Oh. Oh, yeah! Yeah, you’re right.” Bilby realized, downing his cup of orange juice as soon as he grabbed it. 

Once Bilby was done, Noge looked around once more, eyeing Wanda as he wasn’t sure what to do next. Eventually, an idea struck him. 

“Can I have another drink..?” He asked. “It’ll be for Mister Bilby..!”

“Hm? For me?” Surprised, Bilby looked over at Noge as he spoke.

“Ah... sure! You can pick out my next drink. I drink too much of the same thing anyway.” 

Noge looked around once more for a menu, and spotted a board behind Wanda that listed the current drinks for the day.

“Lemme get the Bali Bali cocktail next!!” Noge shouted, pointing at the name of the drink on the board.

“B-Bali Bali cocktail..?” Wanda said, taken aback. “You… do know how strong the liquor is in that, right..?”

Without thinking, Bilby laughed it off.

“Ah whatever. I can handle it. If the kid chooses it, I gotta run with it.” Bilby pounded a fist on the table, signaling Wanda to go make the drink. 

Noge clapped his hands in excitement. 

“A strong drink!!” Noge hollered, making even more of a racket.

Bilby cheered along with Noge, as he was already slipping into a drunk stupor.

Hesitant, Wanda slowly grabbed the ingredients for the cocktail, this time nervously filling up the cocktail shaker. The cheering from the bar counter didn’t help much either, as it threw her off when it came to making sure the cocktail was correct. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to drop this bombshell of a drink during a time like this, but… 

_...Clink!_

Eventually Wanda set down the cocktail in front of Bilby, quietly backing away from it as soon as she set it down. She knew what was coming next as soon as he drank it, and prepared herself for the catastrophe that was about to fill her bar.

“Enjoy.” She softly said, terrified on the inside. She desperately tried to tell herself that the yenom she’d make from this drink was worth it, but was it really worth it ruining a grown man in front of… a child? Toy? Whatever Noge was.

Bilby spent no time in taking a sip of the concoction, with Noge looking at his idol in awe.

“Powerful..!” Noge remarked.

“Oh… This drink is powerful alright!” Bilby retorted, attempting to down the entire drink in one sip. However, the drink was too strong, causing him to leave just a sip worth in the glass after he had taken a huge gulp.

“Woah! Mister Bilby, you sure were thirsty!” Noge said, as he looked inside the glass at what was left.

“Yeeeeeeeeeep.” Bilby responded, almost far gone.

Wanda looked at them in horror, as she had to witness what was coming next.

Instantaneously, Bilby became unable to hold his balance while he sat at the counter….

...and in just a matter of minutes, the man could barely form any sentences. 

Hammered.

...That was probably too nice of a description here.

“Mister Bilby..?” Noge was concerned now, past the point of cheering on Bilby’s drinking habit and now regretting his decision.

Bilby tried to respond, only to almost vomit and instead pass out at the counter, his head banging hard against the table as it dropped.

Wanda gasped, looking over at Noge to see his reaction.

“Uh..!” Noge stammered, shocked to see Bilby pass out in front of him.

“That’s what too much alcohol does to you..!” Wanda exclaimed, terribly trying to make the event into a learning experience. She shook her head and began to clean out the cocktail shakers she used for the cursed brew. 

“I-I see…” Noge replied, wondering how he was going to get home to the castle now. He looked around and once more matched eyes with Wanda, hoping she would help.

“Can you help me bring him home?” He asked her.

“I’m sorry kiddo. I’m afraid I’m stuck behind this counter for life. I’m too big to go anywhere.” Wanda frowned at Noge. “I wish I could help, I really do. But it seems this one is a job for you.”

“I see..!” Noge replied. Without delay, Noge jumped off of the stool he was sitting at, and immediately started to pull on Bilby’s sweater, slowly dragging him off the stool. He eventually managed to pull him off of it, with Bilby’s entire body falling to the ground with a loud THUD. 

“Oops!” Noge said, looking over his body making sure he didn’t hurt him.

He poked Bilby with his wooden nose, his way of giving a kiss to him to alleviate any pain he caused.

Once he was done inspecting the body, Noge dragged him out of Bar Wanda, with Wanda watching the entire ordeal as he slowly dragged Bilby across the floor.

Holding in a laugh, Wanda waved goodbye to Noge, wishing him well on getting home safely with a knocked out Bilby.

…

A cold wind hit Noge as he made it outside with him, as a soft breeze played with his green, cloth locks of hair. Straining, Noge barely was able to move Bilby as he kept trying to pull him across the path home, his wooden joints popping occasionally due to the pressure he was putting on them.

“I’m sorry, Mister Bilby…” He muttered, as he tried his best to pull him along.

Any chances of getting them back to the castle in time for the next day was bleak, and the Minister and Fred would see they were missing the moment of daybreak. The trouble Bilby would get in was fierce, especially since the whole disaster was caused by him bringing Noge to the bar to begin with. He could get fired. 

A drunken guard..! So drunk he knocked himself out. Literally. 

Noge began to worry as he thought about all the consequences he and Bilby would face as a result. It was all his fault..! The poor boy almost broke down weeping as he was the one who picked the drink that caused him to pass out in the first place. If only he hadn’t chosen it..!

Frustrated and anxious, Noge broke down in the middle of pulling Bilby along and sat down, shaking as he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

…

Suddenly, a voice broke out, one that Noge could barely hear. 

“Huh? Who’s there?” Noge asked, holding onto Bilby tight to protect him.

The voice grew louder, and eventually it began to sound familiar.

Noge held onto Bilby tighter, until he finally realized whose voice it was.

“Noge? Noge?? Is that you?!” 

It was Fred. 

Still in his comfy clothes from earlier, the man was running around, looking for the two in town in his oversized pants. 

“Oh my GOD it’s you! I knew something would have happened with you two..!” Fred ran up to Noge and immediately hugged him.

“I’m glad you’re safe..! And uh. Wow. Bilby really _drank_ this time around, did he? I can’t believe you’re having to drag him back home… I’m pissed at him.” Fred glared at Bilby’s body, and eventually looked back at Noge.

“Lets get you both home, okay? Don’t tell anyone about what happened.” 

“I won’t..!” Promised Noge, as he looked up at Fred. 

“Good.” Fred replied, bending down to kiss Noge on the forehead. 

Noge blushed as he received the kiss, and watched Fred soon after pick up Bilby’s body over his shoulder. 

The two then walked back to the castle, reaching their rooms before the next day started.

After Fred had put Noge back in his room and in bed, he prepared himself to go back to sleep, and _to wake up Bilby the next morning so he wouldn’t be late…_ Something he thought he’d never have to do. 

…

It was morning, Blazeday. 

“Itssss business hours, you bum!~” Fred loudly sang, as he stood over Bilby for once while he was sleeping to wake him up.

“A...A-Already..?” Bilby muttered, barely waking up.

“Yes, _already_.” Fred replied, hitting him slightly over the head with his staff.

“You’ve got some explaining to do, too…”

“What?!” Bilby shouted back, grumbling and attempting to move but too weak to do so.

...Eventually, the man grew silent. 

“Oh wait… yeah. Now I remember.” Bilby held a hand to his forehead in realization.

“I’m _sure_ you do.” Fred replied, sighing. 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Late Night Wood](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250882) by [Sparkeyez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparkeyez/pseuds/Sparkeyez)




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